My name is Elizabeth and in this corner of the internet I will share my life’s journey following the loss of my son Jacob just hours after his birth in July 2016. In the days and weeks following the loss of my son, I found myself scouring the internet searching for words I could read that expressed what I was feeling. I needed to know I was not alone – that someone had walked this road before and managed to keep taking steps. Knowing how immensely I was helped by the blogs, discussion boards and social media accounts I found in my desperate search, I feel called to share our story for anyone else who might be out there in need of the same support I needed and still need. Because it took me so long to feel I had the strength to start sharing in this way, my posts will be a mixture of current updates and recollections of the past. When I talk about the early days of my grief, I will naturally be doing so through a lens of hindsight, because I am removed in time now from those days. But I will absolutely do my best to be as raw and authentic about what those early days and experiences were like. In a way, the passage of time has given me a unique position from which to look back at that time and understand it in a way that I do think can be helpful.
‘Carrying Jacob’ expresses the love, joy, pain and heartache of having loved and lost my precious son. I carried Jacob physically for 9 months as he grew in my womb, and I carry him with me emotionally every second of every day since his birth July 18th, 2016. I wish more than anything I could carry him in my arms, but instead I carry him in my heart with both a love and a sadness I never knew existed. This journey is ugly and beautiful, dark and light, hopeless and hopeful, all at the same time. If you’ve found yourself here and you want to walk with me, maybe because you love and miss Jacob, because you have known a loss in your life and are searching for a path forward, or for any other reason: Welcome.