Carrying Jacob

a story of love, loss, and finding a way forward

When Deja Vu is Really Hard

*Possible trigger - post about rainbow pregnancy. Just wanted to note that here since the title didn't necessarily make it obvious, for those who don't want to read about this topic*   In many ways, this entire pregnancy with Ella... Continue Reading →


PAL: The bad days

Until now, I don't think I've ever sat down to write when I'm in the midst or aftermath of an episode of true anxiety and worry over Ella Jane's safety. Honestly, there haven't been too many of these, and far... Continue Reading →

Pregnancy After Loss: Second Trimester

For the most part, the first 4 weeks (up until week 18) of the second trimester were the same as the first. Really, starting to feel her move at almost 18 weeks was a huge turning point, moreso than the... Continue Reading →

One Year

Dear Jacob, Happy birthday in Heaven, my loved and cherished son. I like to think you are having a birthday filled with more joy than I can imagine, celebrating with our Heavenly Father, all of your family who is there,... Continue Reading →

Pregnancy after Loss: First Trimester

On December 17th, 2016 we got the most wonderful yet terrifying news that we were expecting again after losing Jacob just 5 months earlier. My doctor had cleared us to start trying in December, but we were far from confident... Continue Reading →

Where I am Today

Wow, I have really gotten out of the habit of writing. Actually, my lack of posts is somewhat reflective of what life has been like lately. I've been incredibly busy doing so many things and just in the past couple weeks... Continue Reading →

John 3:16 & Faith after Loss

Faith after loss of a chid can be a touchy subject. I am aware of many moms who have had different journeys and perspectives on this, and we all have to walk our own paths. I've been a bit hesitant... Continue Reading →

The One Who Went Before

Today, March 24, 2017 is the one year anniversary of my due date with Jacob's older brother or sister who I miscarried at 8 weeks in August, 2015. I think I will always remember that baby's due date. It was so... Continue Reading →

Jacob’s Pregnancy – 3rd Trimester

My third trimester with Jacob was joyful and filled with preparations and excitement for his arrival. There were baby showers and further work on his nursery. We got it exactly the way we wanted it just about a week before his... Continue Reading →

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