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Carrying Jacob

a story of love, loss, and finding a way forward

Eighteen Months

  Dear Jacob, It's January 18, 2018, and you are 18 months old in Heaven. I miss you so much. Thank you for sending us your sweet little sister. She is absolutely amazing, and having her here has made our... Continue Reading →

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Grieving for the Holidays – A Survival Guide

"It's the most wonderful timeeeee of the yearrrr!" A catchy upbeat song proclaims it, so it must be true! Unless it's not. Unless it's the opposite of true. Unless those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings, and those friends who... Continue Reading →

Welcome Ella Jane!

Since I think most readers follow me on social media, I have assumed that you all know that we welcomed our sweet Eleanor Jane ("Ella Jane") on August 11, 2017 at 9:46pm, weighing 6lbs 11oz and measuring 19.5in long! She... Continue Reading →

When Deja Vu is Really Hard

*Possible trigger - post about rainbow pregnancy. Just wanted to note that here since the title didn't necessarily make it obvious, for those who don't want to read about this topic*   In many ways, this entire pregnancy with Ella... Continue Reading →

PAL: The bad days

Until now, I don't think I've ever sat down to write when I'm in the midst or aftermath of an episode of true anxiety and worry over Ella Jane's safety. Honestly, there haven't been too many of these, and far... Continue Reading →

Pregnancy After Loss: Second Trimester

For the most part, the first 4 weeks (up until week 18) of the second trimester were the same as the first. Really, starting to feel her move at almost 18 weeks was a huge turning point, moreso than the... Continue Reading →

One Year

Dear Jacob, Happy birthday in Heaven, my loved and cherished son. I like to think you are having a birthday filled with more joy than I can imagine, celebrating with our Heavenly Father, all of your family who is there,... Continue Reading →

Pregnancy after Loss: First Trimester

On December 17th, 2016 we got the most wonderful yet terrifying news that we were expecting again after losing Jacob just 5 months earlier. My doctor had cleared us to start trying in December, but we were far from confident... Continue Reading →

Where I am Today

Wow, I have really gotten out of the habit of writing. Actually, my lack of posts is somewhat reflective of what life has been like lately. I've been incredibly busy doing so many things and just in the past couple¬†weeks... Continue Reading →

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